If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…
So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.
Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.
Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.
In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.
If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.
[Taken from “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, p. 26-27]
Do you know that you have the power to change the mood that your husband is in just by using what Allah has given you? The problem is that as women, we are often too proud, or stubborn to give in. But this is to our own detriment.
If your husband comes home tired and cranky, greet him with a loving smile. Bring the best out in yourself and in your appearance, wearing what pleases his eyes, and applying perfume, have your house looking clean and smelling nice.
Make your home a haven for your husband. Serve him his favourite food and drink.
Make physical contact with him (unfortunately many women forget this power Allaah has given them), just by that soft touch and sweet look, you can cause all his worries and stress to fall out of his mind.
This is sure to make him relax and let go of all the stress of the day.
Even though he may not know how to show his appreciation, know that you have eased him of his burdens and helped him to feel loved and honored.
This will free up his mind and ease his heart so that he can be more present with you and your children.
He will have a deep sense of contentment and insha’Allah he will implement the advice given above. And remember the reward: The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wasalaam) said:
‘If you (women) observe the salat, fast the month of Ramadhan, pay zakaat, obey your husbands and guard your chastity, you will be asked to enter Jannah through any gate.’
It is said that a woman wrote the following poem from al-Baahah Mountain. It was written because she was forbidden from marriage until she became so old that few were interested in marrying her. She said:
When my fingertips wrote my letter, tears were flowing from my eyes.
I sent it to my affluent father who embraced me with protection and affection.
I sent it, and it contained that which I could not say; but what my heart and soul desires.
I sent it and tears fell upon its ink and I wrote it from a puzzling situation.
I kept it hidden from the most important one, but it did not prevent me from breaking from this concealment.
When I think of my drowning indeed my gray hair ignites as if my gray hair was luminous.
O you who are put off due to my old age.
Indeed, years of sadness have already passed.
When I see children, my tears flow, my heart burns from the fire of my deprivation.
When I see another woman living with her husband and her child sleeping in the nursery.
The woman who remains patient in all circumstances, and never whines, moans, nags or complains. When some trouble or affliction hits her, she turns to Allah for help.
2) The Protector:
The woman who protects her husband’s wealth & her chastity when he is away from home. She doesn’t gossip or mingle with other men, nor does she allow anyone in his house without his approval. She knows, respects and stays within the boundaries of his gheerah.
When he returns, she runs to his arms, as if she was anticipating for his return. She allows him time to relax before anything and does not burden him with the day’s problems, but listens attentively to his needs and does her best to take his tiredness away.
3) The Lover:
The women who adores her husband, beautifies herself, and smells nice for him. She craves for his children to the extent that whenever her husband glances at her, du’aa pours for her from the bottom of his heart. She is characterised with shyness and modesty, glancing with love in her eyes, only for her husband.
Click here to download the lecture [external link].
This lecture is a vital one to watch, for both sisters and brothers. Shaykh Khalid Yasin goes through many important topics, such as the rights and responsibilities of the wife to husband and vice-versa, the controversial issue of polygamy (multiple marriage) – the wisdom and legitimacy behind it and much more. The Shaykh also gives lots of advice for a successful and happy marriage.
I have uploaded this lecture on my account on IslamicTube. Below are the links to the parts in shaa allaah:
One of my friends wants to get married, but he does not have enough money to cover the expenses of getting married. Is it permissible for me to help him and to count that money as part of my zakaah?
Praise be to Allaah.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:
If we find a person who can earn enough for food and drink and accommodation, but he needs to get married and does not have enough to do so, is it permissible for us to get him married using zakaah funds?
The answer is: yes, it is permissible to get him married using zakaah funds, and to give him the mahr in full.
If it is said: ‘how come it is permissible to get a poor man married using zakaah funds even if what is given to him is a large amount?’