Tag Archive | marriage

Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

– The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
– If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
– She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
– She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
– Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
– She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
 Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
 She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
 Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
 She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
 His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
 He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
 His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
 His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
 She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

The Second Type:

 From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
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22 Tips For Parents

What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?

Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:

Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job

This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family

It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can’t instill values in their children if they just aren’t there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you’re home when the kids are.

Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day

Just five minutes. Whether it’s in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.

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To The Wives Of Muslim Scholars/Students Of Knowledge

Suplied by a sister Sanaa

Oh wives of the Daa’ies (those who work day and night calling to Islaam) and Mujaahideen, fear Allaah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the success of your husband’s struggle and the cause of its decline.

There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who appose it.

We all must agree about the importance of the wife in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully. For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the importance of the woman in more than just one place.

He encouraged the Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen (practicing woman), who fears Allaah in her relationship with her husband, at his home and with his children.

We believe nobody will differ with us if we say that the Daa’ies are so needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to fulfil his mission.

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Visual Versus Emotional Desire

We mentioned earlier that Allah has created men and women differently. One of the most pronounced differences between genders when it comes to issues of intimacy is arousal. Each gender has been keyed to respond to different senses. If a couple wishes to maximize feelings of closeness and intimacy, it is essential that each party understands the other’s arousal mechanism.

For men, the primary sense of arousal is physical. Seeing the figure, smelling the aroma, and touching the body of a woman is what arouses a man. When a man’s physical needs are satisfied, he is most likely to reciprocate with emotional responses.

For a woman, on the other hand, the primary sense of arousal is emotional. Feeling loved, appreciated and cared for are the underlying emotional factors that will mostly make the woman love back in return. When a woman’s emotional needs are satisfied, she is more likely to reciprocate with physical responses.

One of the biggest sources of conflict in a marriage is this simple lack of understanding. Women feel used when their husbands take advantage of them physically but ignore their emotional needs. On the other hand, men feel frustrated that their wives are so withdrawn and cold during acts of intimacy, complaining both at the quantity and quality of these acts. Both parties need to give more of what the other party wants, in order to receive back what they themselves desire.

A marriage is a give-and-take relationship. It is a two way street. You must give the best of what your partner wants in order to obtain the best of what you wish to receive. Men need to learn to be more sensitive and understanding, and women need to learn to be more physical.

Jazakum Allah khayr!
Yasir Qadhi

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The Wife’s Rights Over Her Husband

The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

1. Financial Rights

(a) The Mahr (dowry)

This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

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The Husband’s Rights Over His Wife

The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

al-Jassaas said: “Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

Ibn al-‘Arabi said: “This text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

These rights include:

(a) The Obligation Of Obedience

Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, “they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth.” This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

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One Apple Leads To His Marriage. A Beautiful Story!

One Apple Leads To His Marriage. A Beautiful Story!

* Please do read this – A wonderful story indeed *

One of our pious predecessors, Thabit Bin Nu’man, was hungry and tired as he was passing through a garden that bordered a river. He was so hungry that he could hear his stomach growling, and so his eyes became fixed on the fruits he saw on the various trees of the garden. In a fit of desperation, he forgot himself and extended his hand to an apple that was within reach. He ate half of it and then drank water from the river. But then he became overcome with guilt, despite the fact that he had only eaten because of dire need.

He said to himself, “Woe unto me! How can I eat someone else’s fruits without his permission? I make it binding upon myself not to leave this place until I find the owner of this garden and ask him to forgive me for having eaten one of his apples.

After a brief search, he found the owner’s house. He knocked on the door and the owner of the garden came out and asked him what he wanted.

Thabit Bin Nu’man said, “I entered your garden that borders the river, and I took this apple and ate half of it. Then I remembered it does not belong to me, and so I ask you now to excuse me for having eaten it and to forgive me for my mistake.

The man said, “On one condition only I will forgive you for your mistake.

Thabit Bin Nu’man asked, “And what is that condition?

He said, “That you marry my daughter.

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Do Parents Have A Right To Choose Their Child’s Marriage Partner?

Praise be to Allaah.

The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419]

Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.

But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865]

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A Wife Can Be A Source Of Reward!

Ibn Mas’ood (ra) related that the Prophet (saw) said; “When a man spends on his family seeking the reward for that from Allaah, then it is charity on his behalf.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Sa’d Ibn Abee Waqaas (ra) related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “Indeed, whenever you spend seeking Allaah’s Countenance for doing so, you will be rewarded for it – even for what (i.e., the food) you put in the mouth of your wife.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Abu Dharr related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “In the private part of each of you there is charity.

The companions asked; “O Messenger Of Allaah, does one of us fulfil his (sexual) desire (i.e., have sexual relations with his wife) and still get rewarded?!

He said; “Yes, do you not see that if one were to use it for haraam (i.e., if one was to have sexual relations with a woman other than his wife) – there would be a sin upon him? And similar is the case of the one who uses it for halaal (purposes)! He has his reward!” [Saheeh Muslim]

Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

Continue reading