Tag Archive | marriage

How To Keep Your Marriage In tact: Through Obedience To Allaah

Below is a story I read in Gems And Jewels, Pp. 257-258. Beautiful, sad and a nice lesson gained…

How To Keep Your Marriage In tact: Through Obedience To Allaah

My story is plain enough, nothing strikingly poignant about it, but I tell you that perhaps you can learn from my mistake:

My marriage began as a very happy union between my husband and myself. We weren’t rich, but we were content with what we had, and we had a daughter whom we both loved dearly.

In the early stages of our marriage, we would put our daughter to sleep, and we would pray, glorify Allaah, and recite the Qur’aan.

One day, we checked our savings and realized that we had saved a considerable sum of money, and so I suggested to my husband that we should buy interest bearing shares, the proceeds of which we could definitely use to help our daughter later on in life.

We invested all that we had, including all of the money that I made from selling all of my jewelry. After only a short time passed, the prices of the shares plunged, we went bankrupt, and we were left with many debts. We came to learn the hard way that:

Allaah will destroy riba (usury) and will give increase for sadaqaat (deeds of charity, ominous, etc.).” [Qur’aan 2:276]

During one of the difficult nights that followed, I got into a huge argument with my husband and demanded that he divorce me. He then screamed out, “You are divorced from me!!! You are divorced from me!!!”

Both my child and I cried, and through the many tears, it was this that was constantly going through my mind: We were joined together through obedience to Allaah, and we then became separated through disobedience to Him.

Is it Permissible For a Father To Prevent His Daughter From Marriage For The Purpose of Completing Her Studies?

Shaykh Abdullaah bin Abdul Rahman Al-Ghudayaan

[Presented and Translated by Mustafa George DeBerry]

Question: Is it permissible for a father to prevent his daughter from marriage for the purpose of completing her studies?

Answer: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a person approaches you who is upright in his religion and possess good character, then marry him(to your daughter or the likes). If you don’t, there will be much corruption and evil throughout the Earth.”

Therefore, if a man approaches, and he has good religion and good character, if he is trustworthy etc, it is not permissible for the father to prevent the marriage from taking place. It is possible that the father makes an agreement with the man who is marrying his daughter, that she completes her studies.

This is because there is no doubt that in completing her studies is a benefit for the husband, the children, whether they are males or females, in the future, as well as benefit for the female and the Muslims as a whole.

If this female completes her studies, she can teach and benefit the Muslims in the future. I don’t think if the man has good character and religion, that he would want to prevent his wife from completing her studies.

Where the River Meets the Sea: Lessons in Marriage Mastery for the Muslim Woman

By Heba Alshareef

Source

The Nile River is generally regarded as the longest in the world. It has been valued since the beginning of time. Through it, an ancient civilization was born. In it, traveled a young baby alone in a basket, who would later grow to be an honored prophet of Allah SWT.

The waters of the Nile, besides being used for cultivation from thousands of years back, have been revered in history books, praised in poems, studied by architects and explorers, and even considered a gateway to the afterlife by those who followed pagan religions.

Still, there is this point near my mother’s ancestral home in Egypt, called the Rosetta Branch, where the Nile River meets the Mediterranean Sea. I stood there on the banks of the river, and the sands of the sea. The sea azure, so breathtakingly beautiful, so strong. And next to it the Nile, surrendering it’s weakness; muddy, minute. Right there, where the river meets the sea, the Nile doesn’t seem to be all that anymore. In fact, she seems rather petty and insignificant.

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Those who know me, who’ve experienced coaching calls with me, will all attest to the fact that I am a champion of strength. Strength of purpose, strength of vision, strength of self-image. And they may be surprised that in this article, I am encouraging submission. But one doesn’t have to be removed from the other. As women generally, and as wives specifically, we can be both strong and weak. And when you find the ability to balance your strengths and weaknesses, you will find the ability to master your marriage.

Muslim women should live by this hadith: The Prophet SAW said, “A woman who offers her fard salah, fasts the month of Ramadhan, protects her chastity, and obeys her husband, will enter jannah from whichever door she chooses.

And much debate has risen over this hadith and others like it. Haters would use it to defy the status of women in Islam. But they would have missed so valuable a point.

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Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

– The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
– If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
– She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
– She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
– Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
– She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
 Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
 She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
 Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
 She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
 His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
 He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
 His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
 His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
 She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

The Second Type:

 From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
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22 Tips For Parents

What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?

Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:

Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job

This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family

It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can’t instill values in their children if they just aren’t there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you’re home when the kids are.

Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day

Just five minutes. Whether it’s in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.

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To The Wives Of Muslim Scholars/Students Of Knowledge

Suplied by a sister Sanaa

Oh wives of the Daa’ies (those who work day and night calling to Islaam) and Mujaahideen, fear Allaah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the success of your husband’s struggle and the cause of its decline.

There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who appose it.

We all must agree about the importance of the wife in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully. For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the importance of the woman in more than just one place.

He encouraged the Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen (practicing woman), who fears Allaah in her relationship with her husband, at his home and with his children.

We believe nobody will differ with us if we say that the Daa’ies are so needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to fulfil his mission.

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Visual Versus Emotional Desire

We mentioned earlier that Allah has created men and women differently. One of the most pronounced differences between genders when it comes to issues of intimacy is arousal. Each gender has been keyed to respond to different senses. If a couple wishes to maximize feelings of closeness and intimacy, it is essential that each party understands the other’s arousal mechanism.

For men, the primary sense of arousal is physical. Seeing the figure, smelling the aroma, and touching the body of a woman is what arouses a man. When a man’s physical needs are satisfied, he is most likely to reciprocate with emotional responses.

For a woman, on the other hand, the primary sense of arousal is emotional. Feeling loved, appreciated and cared for are the underlying emotional factors that will mostly make the woman love back in return. When a woman’s emotional needs are satisfied, she is more likely to reciprocate with physical responses.

One of the biggest sources of conflict in a marriage is this simple lack of understanding. Women feel used when their husbands take advantage of them physically but ignore their emotional needs. On the other hand, men feel frustrated that their wives are so withdrawn and cold during acts of intimacy, complaining both at the quantity and quality of these acts. Both parties need to give more of what the other party wants, in order to receive back what they themselves desire.

A marriage is a give-and-take relationship. It is a two way street. You must give the best of what your partner wants in order to obtain the best of what you wish to receive. Men need to learn to be more sensitive and understanding, and women need to learn to be more physical.

Jazakum Allah khayr!
Yasir Qadhi

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