Tag Archive | advice

Not Everyone Is Suitable To Be Your Friend

1 – Allah Said:

Ah! Woe to me! If only I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder after it had come to me!” [al-Furqan; 28-29]

2 – The Messenger of Allah said:

A person is upon the way of his friend. So, let one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend.

[‘Sahih al-Jami” (3545) and ‘as-Silsilah as-Sahihah’ (927)]

3 – ‘Abdullah bin Ahmad bin Hambal said:

My father went out to Tarsus on foot, and he perfored two or three Hajjs on foot, and he was the most patient of people upon being alone.

[‘Tarjamat al-Imam Ahmad’; p. 18]

4 – Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah – the Mighty and Majestic – and being cut off from Him, a wasting your time with the person, a weakening of your energy, and the dispersing of your resolve. So, if you are tested with this – and you must be tested with this – deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from travelling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber, regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination.

[‘al-Wabil as-Sayyib’; p. 45]

5 – Ibn Jama’ah said:

So, it is upon the student of knowledge to abandon socialization, as abandoning it is from the most important things that the student of knowledge must do – let alone with members of the opposite gender – especially with those who spend most of their time in play, and spend little of their time in thought, as the nature of individuals can rob you.

The harms of socialization include the passing of life without any benefit, as well as the decline of wealth and religious practice, if this socialization were to occur with the wrong people.

The student of knowledge should not mix except with either those who he can benefit, or can benefit from. And if he is offered the friendship of one who will waste his time with him, will not benefit him, will not benefit from him, and will not assist him in reaching his objective, he should politely end the relationship from the start before it progresses to something deeper, as when something becomes established, it becomes more difficult to change it. There is a phrase that is constantly on the tongues of the Fuqaha’: ‘Repelling something is easier than removing it.’

So, if he requires someone to befriend, let that person be righteous, religious, pious, wary, intelligent, full of benefit, having little evil, good at complying, rarely conflicting, reminding him if he forgets, cooperating with him when he is reminded, helpful if he is in need, and comforting if he is in distress.

[‘Tadhkirat as-Sami’ wal-Mutakallim’; p. 83]

6 – Ibn Qudamah al-Maqdisi said:

Know that not everyone is suitable to be your friend. You must verify that this potential friend has the neccessary characteristics that make friendship with him something to be desired. The one you seek to befriend must have five characteristics:

* He must be intelligent, as there is no good in befriending an idiot, as he will only harm you when he wants to benefit you. By intelligent, we mean one who understands things as they are, either on his own, or if they are explained to him;

* He must have good manners, and this is a must. One who is simply intelligent might be overcome by anger or desire, and obey his desire. Thus, there would be no benefit in befriending him;

* He must not be a fasiq, as such a person would not fear Allah, and whoever does not fear Allah cannot be trusted;

* He must not be an innovator, as his abundance of innovation is feared from befriending him;

* He should not be eager for the dunya.

[‘Mukhtasar Minhaj al-Qasidin’; p. 126-132]

Being An Obedient Wife

If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…

So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.

Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.

Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.

In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.

If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.

[Taken from “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, p. 26-27]

Advice Of ‘Abdullaah Ibn Ja’far To His Daughter Before Her Marriage

‘Abdullaah Ibn Ja’far (may Allah have mercy on him) addressed his daughter saying:

(1) Avoid jealousy, as it is the key to your divorce;

(2) Avoid complaint, as it instigates anger;

(3) Adorn yourself for him, and make sure you wash away any bad odours by frequent bathing.

Some Advice To The Muslim Women, By Khaalid Yaseen [VDO]

Click here to download the lecture [external link].

This lecture is a vital one to watch, for both sisters and brothers. Shaykh Khalid Yasin goes through many important topics, such as the rights and responsibilities of the wife to husband and vice-versa, the controversial issue of polygamy (multiple marriage) – the wisdom and legitimacy behind it and much more. The Shaykh also gives lots of advice for a successful and happy marriage.

I have uploaded this lecture on my account on IslamicTube. Below are the links to the parts in shaa allaah:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8  | Part 9.

Advice Of Ibn Taymiyyah To Muslim Women

Ibn Taymiyyah said:

“The way in which to tell what is for men (i.e, their dress code) and what is for women is by the custom and what is suitable and what befits the two sexes and that which the religion has stipulated for them both with regards to their dress code.

Women’s beauty should be concealed from men at all times and they should not expose themselves to strange men. They are forbidden from wearing trousers, hooded cloaks, short dresses and so forth.

Women are also ordered to not raise their voices due to the fact that their voices affect other male’s hearts in public and this is one of the reasons why women are not allowed to raise their voices in the call to prayer. They should not make du’aa (supplications) or thikr (words of remembrance prescribed in the sunnah) out loud in the presence of non mahrams, nor do they climb Safa or Marwa (two smal mountains in Makkah). So the women are advised to cover their faces and hands from non-mahrams.

It is related in An’ni’hiya that men should have certain clothes which distinguish them from women and vice-versa: women should have clothes that distinguish them as women.”

[Majmoo’ Al-fataawaa, 22/148]

A Man’s Advice To His Daughter

“Oh My Daughter if you desire the epitome of goodness, and beauty

That will decorate your body and mind, then fully do awat with habit of dressing immodestly, because the beauty of the soul is more noble,

The One (Allah) who is High, losft and magnificent, Has shaped your soul according to His way,

Then be like the sun shining forth for all people, whether noble or lowly,

The face’s beauty is that the eyes are captured within, enchanting the eyes in nobility, make the representation of your modesty a veil that is more befitting for a young lady of nobility,

A girl has no chance of success if her modesty turns its back on her leaves,

Make sure to dress yourself with the garment of chasity,

For every garment fades and become worn out,

Whenever you witness unhappieness, then rain down tears of perfection,

That flows in torrents, because tears of perfection are illuminating and brightens your cheeks,

This is more beautiful and precious than pearls.”

Majma’ Al-Hakim wa Al-Amthaal

Source

The Difference Between Advice And Backbiting, By Ibn Al-Qayyim

The difference between advice and backbiting is that the intent behind advice is to warn the Muslim against an innovator, deceiver or an evil doer.

So you will mention about him that which is necessary if one was to seek counsel from you about his companionship, having business transactions or any type of attachment with him as the Messenger صلى الله عليه و سلم said to Faatimah Bint Qays when she went to him seeking counsel concerning marriage to Mu’aawiyah (Ibn Abi Sufyaan) or Abu Jahm, so he صلى الله عليه و سلم said to her:

As for Mu’awiyyah then he is a poor man and as for Abu Jahm then he used to beat his women.

…(as explained in a narration in Saheeh Muslim: Hadeeth: 1480-47. The chapter of divorce), and some of his (Abu Jahm’s) companions used to advise those who traveled with him that when you leave his land (where he is known) then be cautious of him (i.e. be cautious of marring him because he is known for beating his women).

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An Important Piece Of Advice For Sisters Attending Seminars/Lectures

Sisters with children should take turns taking care of each other’s children.

For example, 4 sisters (A, B, C, D) would like to attend the lesson, but all of them have children. They should divide the lectures daily.

Sister A takes all the kids for the first lesson while sisters B, C and D attend. Sister B takes the children for the second lesson while sisters A, C and D attend. If the sisters follow this method, inshaa Allaah, all will benefit.

And at night once all the children are asleep, all the sisters can gather and share the missed notes (and of course, adjustments can be made to this suggestion to suit specific needs).

[Taken from ‘Clear Advice For Benefiting From Islaamic Lectures’, Pp. 73-74]

Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

– The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
– If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
– She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
– She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
– Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
– She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
 Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
 She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
 Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
 She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
 His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
 He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
 His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
 His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
 She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

The Second Type:

 From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
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To The Wives Of Muslim Scholars/Students Of Knowledge

Suplied by a sister Sanaa

Oh wives of the Daa’ies (those who work day and night calling to Islaam) and Mujaahideen, fear Allaah and be firm and patient. Verily you are the cause of the success of your husband’s struggle and the cause of its decline.

There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. Many people differ about this parable, between those in support of it and those who appose it.

We all must agree about the importance of the wife in the life of her husband and the fact she has a role that if fulfilled, the boat of da’wah will sail peacefully and successfully. For this reason we find the Messenger Muhammad (saw) emphasised on the importance of the woman in more than just one place.

He encouraged the Muslim man about the necessity to look for a wife with good Deen (practicing woman), who fears Allaah in her relationship with her husband, at his home and with his children.

We believe nobody will differ with us if we say that the Daa’ies are so needy for a unique, sophisticated, special, and magnificent wife unlike any other, who will stand by him through hardship and ease, supporting him, staying at his home helping him to fulfil his roles and responsibilities, encouraging him to carry da’wah more and more and to fulfil his mission.

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