‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab (ra) encouraged the people to perform marriages with different tribes, so that love would develop amongst the people. Therefore, a slave went to a man from the Quraysh and asked him to marry his sister to him, which the latter refused.
‘Umar went to that man and asked him, “Why did you not marry your sister to him? He is a talented and pious individual. You should seek the opinion of your sister; if she accepts the proposal then you should marry her to him.”
The man from the Quraysh accepted the advice of ‘Umar and went to his sister to ask her opinion. She agreed to the marriage and the married his sister to the slave.
Shaykh Abdullah Al-Mutlaq Makes Du’aa For A Woman Who Needs A Husband
In question answer program, a woman called Sheikh Abdullah Almutlaq and asked him a question. And after he gave her the answer, she asked him to pray to Allah that she is bless with Sheikh Mohammad Al-Arifi as her husband. Sheikh Almutlaq replied to her saying do you want Sheikh Alarifi for his good looks or knowledge? She answered for his knowledge. Sheikh Almutlaq replied to her that Sheikh Saleh Alsadlan was more knowledgeable than him, I will pray to Allah that you be blessed with him as a husband.
If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…
So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.
Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.
Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.
In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.
If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.
[Taken from “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, p. 26-27]
The Prophet (saw) said: “It is not allowed for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission except for Ramadhaan. And she may admit no one to his house except with his permission.” [Bukhaaree & others]
The Prophet (saw) said: ”Whenever a man calls his wife to their bed but he refuses to come, letting him spend the night angry with her, she is cursed by the angels until morning.“
In another narration: “… until she relents (i.e. goes to him).“ In yet another narration: “… until he forgives her.” [Bukhaaree, Muslim and others]
The Prophet (saw) said: ”By the One in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord until she has fulfilled her obligations to her husband – even if he were to ask for herself when she is mounted in the saddle, she would not refuse his request.” [Ibn Maajah, Ahmad and others: Saheeh]
Do you know that you have the power to change the mood that your husband is in just by using what Allah has given you? The problem is that as women, we are often too proud, or stubborn to give in. But this is to our own detriment.
If your husband comes home tired and cranky, greet him with a loving smile. Bring the best out in yourself and in your appearance, wearing what pleases his eyes, and applying perfume, have your house looking clean and smelling nice.
Make your home a haven for your husband. Serve him his favourite food and drink.
Make physical contact with him (unfortunately many women forget this power Allaah has given them), just by that soft touch and sweet look, you can cause all his worries and stress to fall out of his mind.
This is sure to make him relax and let go of all the stress of the day.
Even though he may not know how to show his appreciation, know that you have eased him of his burdens and helped him to feel loved and honored.
This will free up his mind and ease his heart so that he can be more present with you and your children.
He will have a deep sense of contentment and insha’Allah he will implement the advice given above. And remember the reward: The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wasalaam) said:
‘If you (women) observe the salat, fast the month of Ramadhan, pay zakaat, obey your husbands and guard your chastity, you will be asked to enter Jannah through any gate.’