It is said that a woman wrote the following poem from al-Baahah Mountain. It was written because she was forbidden from marriage until she became so old that few were interested in marrying her. She said:
When my fingertips wrote my letter, tears were flowing from my eyes.
I sent it to my affluent father who embraced me with protection and affection.
I sent it, and it contained that which I could not say; but what my heart and soul desires.
I sent it and tears fell upon its ink and I wrote it from a puzzling situation.
I kept it hidden from the most important one, but it did not prevent me from breaking from this concealment.
When I think of my drowning indeed my gray hair ignites as if my gray hair was luminous.
O you who are put off due to my old age.
Indeed, years of sadness have already passed.
When I see children, my tears flow, my heart burns from the fire of my deprivation.
When I see another woman living with her husband and her child sleeping in the nursery.
(1) Knowledge of and love for Allah and His Deen (Islam):
This is one of the most precious and enduring gifts you can pass down to your daughter, one that will benefit her in this life and the next.
(2) Memorization of the Quran:
No matter how little you have memorized yourself, push your daughter to memorize as much she can. Encourage her and help her to revise. It will stand her in good stead in her life and will be a source of reward for you after your death as well.
(3) A good example of Muslim womanhood:
Most girls look to their mothers for Guidance. Embody the characteristics of a strong, faithful Muslimah and she will be inspired to follow your example.
(4) A sense of self-worth and self-esteem:
Instill a sense of confidence in your child by encouraging her skills, talents and personality to develop. Make her feel secure in her identity and show her that she is loved and appreciated. This will have a positive impact on her future relationships and how she interacts with the world.
(5) A sense of modesty:
Instill a love for Hijab in your daughter and encourage her to be modest, never boastful or conceited, in all areas of her life.
Another interesting something I found hidden in the world of the internet:
(Whether its true or not, Allaahu ‘alam, most probably a fabricated story, however an interesting read)
There was this young man about twenty years old named Jamal. Jamal was approached by a salesman, Adam, who offered Jamal one hundred thousand dollars (or dinars) for his mother’s heart.
Jamal, with dollar signs in his eyes and greed in his heart, took the offer to be literal and went home right away and with a dagger claimed the life of his mother and tore out her heart and hurriedly started back towards the marketplace to find the salesman. On his way to the marketplace, Jamal tripped on some pebbles and as he fell down he dropped his mother’s heart and it got all dirty with the dust from the ground. After he fell, a soft voice came from within the heart and said: “O my son, are you alright?”
Startled, Jamal realized what he had done and started crying. He cried so much that the tears from his eyes rolled down his cheeks and with those tears the dirt on the heart was wiped clean. Jamal, now desperate, wanted a way out of the major sin he had just committed.
He picked up his dagger and pulled it up and was about to take his own life. Suddenly, the same soft voice came out a second time from the heart. This time it stated: “O my son, do not kill me twice.”
This story definitely symbolizes a mother’s love for her child. The Quran and Sunnah show the importance of one’s parents.
An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received a high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house. The father asked the son: What is this? The son replied: It is a crow. After a little while the father again asked the son: What is this? The son said: It is a crow.
After a few minutes the father asked his son the third time: What is this? The son said: Father, I have just now told you that this is a crow. After a little while the old father again asked his son the fourth time: what is this? By this time some statement of irritation was felt in the son’s tone when he rebuffed his father: Father! It is a crow, a crow. A little after the father again asked his son: What is this? This time the son replied to his father with a vein of temper. Father: You are always repeating the same question, although I have told you so many times that it is a crow. Are you not able to understand this?
The father went to his room and came back with an old diary. Opening a page he asked his son to read what was written. What the son read were the following words written in the diary:
‘Today my little son was sitting with me in the courtyard, when a crow came there. My son asked me twenty-five times what it was and I told him twenty-five times that it was a crow and I did not at all feel irritated. I rather felt affection for my innocent child.’
What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?
Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:
Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job
This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.
Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family
It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can’t instill values in their children if they just aren’t there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you’re home when the kids are.
Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day
Just five minutes. Whether it’s in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.
The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419]
Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.
But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865]
He Told Her A Lie About His Parents And She Is Asking Him For Khula‘
QUESTION: If a man tells a lie to his wife, is that a valid reason for her to ask for khula‘? I lied to my wife before we got married by telling her that my parents were dead, when that was not the case.
ANSWER: Praise be to Allaah.
There is no doubt that lying is one of the vilest of attributes and it is the key to all evil and is a weak foundation for the one who wants to build a household and establish a Muslim family.
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I enjoin you to be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man may continue to tell the truth and endeavour to be truthful until he is recorded with Allaah as a speaker of truth. And beware of lying, for lying leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to Hell. A man may continue to tell lies and endeavour to tell lies, until he is recorded with Allaah as a liar.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6094) and Muslim (2607).
But that mistake that the husband made on its own is not a justification or sufficient reason for the woman to try to break up her family by seeking divorce (talaaq) or khula‘, if there is no convincing legitimate shar‘i, rational, health or social reason for that, so long as the wife cannot see any fault in her husband’s attitude or religious commitment or his treatment of her. There may have been a reason why he committed this error. What he should do now is admit his mistake and admit that his deed was serious and wrong.
If he sets things straight with his wife and is good in his religious commitment and his treatment of her, then the wife should not take that as an excuse to break up her family, especially as she has nothing to gain from his parents being dead and will not be harmed if they are alive. All there is to be said is that she does not have to live with them or live in their house, and the matter is settled.