Tag Archive | father

[Poem] The Sorrow Of Growing Old Yet Still A Single Woman

It is said that a woman wrote the following poem from al-Baahah Mountain. It was written because she was forbidden from marriage until she became so old that few were interested in marrying her. She said:

When my fingertips wrote my letter, tears were flowing from my eyes.

I sent it to my affluent father who embraced me with protection and affection.

I sent it, and it contained that which I could not say; but what my heart and soul desires.

I sent it and tears fell upon its ink and I wrote it from a puzzling situation.

I kept it hidden from the most important one, but it did not prevent me from breaking from this concealment.

When I think of my drowning indeed my gray hair ignites as if my gray hair was luminous.

O you who are put off due to my old age.

Indeed, years of sadness have already passed.

When I see children, my tears flow, my heart burns from the fire of my deprivation.

When I see another woman living with her husband and her child sleeping in the nursery.

When I see her and her love with her child.

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Giving Zakaah To Someone Who Wants To Get Married

Question:

One of my friends wants to get married, but he does not have enough money to cover the expenses of getting married. Is it permissible for me to help him and to count that money as part of my zakaah?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:

If we find a person who can earn enough for food and drink and accommodation, but he needs to get married and does not have enough to do so, is it permissible for us to get him married using zakaah funds?

The answer is: yes, it is permissible to get him married using zakaah funds, and to give him the mahr in full.

If it is said: ‘how come it is permissible to get a poor man married using zakaah funds even if what is given to him is a large amount?’

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A Mother’s Love

Another interesting something I found hidden in the world of the internet:

(Whether its true or not, Allaahu ‘alam, most probably a fabricated story, however an interesting read)

There was this young man about twenty years old named Jamal. Jamal was approached by a salesman, Adam, who offered Jamal one hundred thousand dollars (or dinars) for his mother’s heart.

Jamal, with dollar signs in his eyes and greed in his heart, took the offer to be literal and went home right away and with a dagger claimed the life of his mother and tore out her heart and hurriedly started back towards the marketplace to find the salesman. On his way to the marketplace, Jamal tripped on some pebbles and as he fell down he dropped his mother’s heart and it got all dirty with the dust from the ground. After he fell, a soft voice came from within the heart and said: “O my son, are you alright?

Startled, Jamal realized what he had done and started crying. He cried so much that the tears from his eyes rolled down his cheeks and with those tears the dirt on the heart was wiped clean. Jamal, now desperate, wanted a way out of the major sin he had just committed.

He picked up his dagger and pulled it up and was about to take his own life. Suddenly, the same soft voice came out a second time from the heart. This time it stated: “O my son, do not kill me twice.

This story definitely symbolizes a mother’s love for her child. The Quran and Sunnah show the importance of one’s parents.

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When Our Parents Irritate Us

An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received a high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house. The father asked the son: What is this? The son replied: It is a crow. After a little while the father again asked the son: What is this? The son said: It is a crow.

After a few minutes the father asked his son the third time: What is this? The son said: Father, I have just now told you that this is a crow. After a little while the old father again asked his son the fourth time: what is this? By this time some statement of irritation was felt in the son’s tone when he rebuffed his father: Father! It is a crow, a crow. A little after the father again asked his son: What is this? This time the son replied to his father with a vein of temper. Father: You are always repeating the same question, although I have told you so many times that it is a crow. Are you not able to understand this?

The father went to his room and came back with an old diary. Opening a page he asked his son to read what was written. What the son read were the following words written in the diary:

‘Today my little son was sitting with me in the courtyard, when a crow came there. My son asked me twenty-five times what it was and I told him twenty-five times that it was a crow and I did not at all feel irritated. I rather felt affection for my innocent child.’

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Is it Permissible For a Father To Prevent His Daughter From Marriage For The Purpose of Completing Her Studies?

Shaykh Abdullaah bin Abdul Rahman Al-Ghudayaan

[Presented and Translated by Mustafa George DeBerry]

Question: Is it permissible for a father to prevent his daughter from marriage for the purpose of completing her studies?

Answer: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a person approaches you who is upright in his religion and possess good character, then marry him(to your daughter or the likes). If you don’t, there will be much corruption and evil throughout the Earth.”

Therefore, if a man approaches, and he has good religion and good character, if he is trustworthy etc, it is not permissible for the father to prevent the marriage from taking place. It is possible that the father makes an agreement with the man who is marrying his daughter, that she completes her studies.

This is because there is no doubt that in completing her studies is a benefit for the husband, the children, whether they are males or females, in the future, as well as benefit for the female and the Muslims as a whole.

If this female completes her studies, she can teach and benefit the Muslims in the future. I don’t think if the man has good character and religion, that he would want to prevent his wife from completing her studies.

22 Tips For Parents

What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?

Sound Vision has talked to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:

Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job

This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.

Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family

It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can’t instill values in their children if they just aren’t there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you’re home when the kids are.

Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day

Just five minutes. Whether it’s in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.

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Is Islam Unjust To Women By Keeping Them Indoors!?

QUESTION: Some people started believing in what the media of the enemies try to spread, which is an intellectual planned invasion. Like when they say: “ Islam is unjust to women, Islam has kept women at their homes and thus kept half of the society unemployed”. What is your answer and comment on this lie?.

ANSWER: (By Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen (r.a))

Praise be to Allaah.

My comment on this is that these words can only come from one who is ignorant of sharee’ah, ignorant of Islam, ignorant of the rights of women, and is impressed by the attitudes and ways of the enemies of Allaah who are far away from the truth. Islam – praise be to Allaah – did not take away women’s rights, but Islam is the religion of wisdom which gives everyone his or her rightful status. Women’s work is in the home, and her staying athome is for the purpose of looking after her husband, raising her children, taking care the household affairs, and doing work that is suited to her.

The man has his own work to do, which is usually earning a living and benefiting the ummah. When she stays at home to look after him and her children, and the interests of her children, that is the work that is suited to her. It is also a protection for her, as it keeps her far away from immorality which may occur if she goes out and works with men. It is well known that when women work with men that also adversely affects the man’s work, because the man has a natural inclination towards women. If he works with her he will be distracted by this woman, especially if she is young and beautiful. He will forget his work and if he does it, he will not do it properly. The one who studies the situation of the Muslims at the beginning of Islam will see how they protected their womenfolk and how they did their work in the best manner. [End quote].

[Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen. Alfaaz wa Mafaaheem fi Meezaan al-Sharee’ah, p.72-73.]

Source: IslamQA

Teaching Our Children To Keep Away From Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationships

THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not.

By Amatullah Islam

PART 1 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or ‘an affair’. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases – the list goes on.

We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

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How to Help Muslims Get Married: Tips For Parents And Imams

By Sound Vision Staff Writer

Sad but shocking reality: the divorce rate amongst Muslims in North America is one of the highest in the world.

According to New York-based Muslim sociologist Ilyas Ba-Yunus, Muslims in Canada and the U.S. have a divorce rate of 33 percent.

The world’s highest is the general U.S. population’s of 48.6 percent, followed by the United Kingdom’s of 36 percent.

Many assume divorce means problems began in the course of the marriage, whether it was communication breakdown or irreconcilable differences.

But there are many difficulties that lead to divorce which could have been avoided right from the beginning. This could have happened if individuals, parents, guardians and Imams had played their role right when communication between two Muslims seeking marriage began.

Below, we give you some tips and advice of what you can do:

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP:

The older woman noticed her instantly.

The twenty-something girl was an American Muslima, her white skin and Caucasian features bore testimony to that. She was perfect for her dear son Muhsin.

As she walked closer to her, she noticed the young woman talking to someone of a darker complexion.

The woman rushed up.

“Assalamu alaykum,” she said smiling at the American Muslima.

“Wa alaykum as Salaam,” replied the sister and her friend in unison, both a bit startled by the enthusiasm and ardor with which they were being greeted.

“I would like you to marry my son,” said the woman barely inches away from the American Muslima, and making no eye contact at all with her friend.

“But, but why,” she stammered.

“Because you are white and you are wearing a Jelbab. You will make a perfect wife for my Muhsin!”

(This is based on a true story, in which the ethnicity of two of the people involved has been changed

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While some would be surprised at the candor and bluntness of the older woman in the above-mentioned scenario, such scenes are not uncommon. Many parents seem to think approaching a prospect out of the blue will “reserve” this person for their son/daughter.

If you as a parent want to play an effective role in helping your children seek the right mate, things have to be done differently.

1.Understand your role

Your role as a mother or father is not to be the final arbiter of your child’s marriage. This may be how marriages were arranged “back home” in a Muslim country, but it is not the Islamic way. Nor is this way acceptable to most Muslims who have grown up in the West.

That said, the parents have a tremendous responsibility in the process. They:

a. suggest individuals as prospective spouses
b. thoroughly screen and check proposals, call references
c. act as the third party between the two candidates

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