It is said that a woman wrote the following poem from al-Baahah Mountain. It was written because she was forbidden from marriage until she became so old that few were interested in marrying her. She said:
When my fingertips wrote my letter, tears were flowing from my eyes.
I sent it to my affluent father who embraced me with protection and affection.
I sent it, and it contained that which I could not say; but what my heart and soul desires.
I sent it and tears fell upon its ink and I wrote it from a puzzling situation.
I kept it hidden from the most important one, but it did not prevent me from breaking from this concealment.
When I think of my drowning indeed my gray hair ignites as if my gray hair was luminous.
O you who are put off due to my old age.
Indeed, years of sadness have already passed.
When I see children, my tears flow, my heart burns from the fire of my deprivation.
When I see another woman living with her husband and her child sleeping in the nursery.
Definition: Polygyny: The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.
This is a much needed admonition to the muslimaat upon the sunnah, and may Allaah grant both men and women the akhlaaq (manners) to deal with such situations.
Shaykh Al-Albaanee (rahimahullaah) says:
“Of course, I believe that that is not allowed for (the woman) (to come between her husband and polygyny) because of two reasons:
The first (reason) is that she is hindering (her husband) from the path of Allaah.
And the other (reason) is that she is opposing the command of her husband.
Because you know…that the obedience of a woman to her husband is obligatory the way the matter is with regard to the obedience of an individual from the individual members of a nation toward the Muslim ruler, with an obedience which I don’t say is blind but rather a complete obedience, except what is made an exception in the islamic legislation, which is (obeying someone) in disobedience to Allaah.
And from this results Islamically legislated rulings which (state) that if the Muslim ruler commands that which is fundamentally allowed, this command becomes obligatory for the one who is commanded with it to carry it out, because it is the command of the ruler. Exactly likewise is the command with respect to the husband with his wife.
So, if the husband commands his wife with some command while that command is allowed in the foundation of the islamic legislation and while the woman is able to carry it out, then it is obligatory upon her to obey him. And if she does not obey him, then she has disobeyed Allaah and His Messenger [sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam].
[Presented and Translated by Mustafa George DeBerry]
Question: Is it permissible for a father to prevent his daughter from marriage for the purpose of completing her studies?
Answer: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a person approaches you who is upright in his religion and possess good character, then marry him(to your daughter or the likes). If you don’t, there will be much corruption and evil throughout the Earth.”
Therefore, if a man approaches, and he has good religion and good character, if he is trustworthy etc, it is not permissible for the father to prevent the marriage from taking place. It is possible that the father makes an agreement with the man who is marrying his daughter, that she completes her studies.
This is because there is no doubt that in completing her studies is a benefit for the husband, the children, whether they are males or females, in the future, as well as benefit for the female and the Muslims as a whole.
If this female completes her studies, she can teach and benefit the Muslims in the future. I don’t think if the man has good character and religion, that he would want to prevent his wife from completing her studies.