Tag Archive | marry

Is it Permissible For a Father To Prevent His Daughter From Marriage For The Purpose of Completing Her Studies?

Shaykh Abdullaah bin Abdul Rahman Al-Ghudayaan

[Presented and Translated by Mustafa George DeBerry]

Question: Is it permissible for a father to prevent his daughter from marriage for the purpose of completing her studies?

Answer: The Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a person approaches you who is upright in his religion and possess good character, then marry him(to your daughter or the likes). If you don’t, there will be much corruption and evil throughout the Earth.”

Therefore, if a man approaches, and he has good religion and good character, if he is trustworthy etc, it is not permissible for the father to prevent the marriage from taking place. It is possible that the father makes an agreement with the man who is marrying his daughter, that she completes her studies.

This is because there is no doubt that in completing her studies is a benefit for the husband, the children, whether they are males or females, in the future, as well as benefit for the female and the Muslims as a whole.

If this female completes her studies, she can teach and benefit the Muslims in the future. I don’t think if the man has good character and religion, that he would want to prevent his wife from completing her studies.

The Wife’s Rights Over Her Husband

The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation.

And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband.

1. Financial Rights

(a) The Mahr (dowry)

This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4]

The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman.

The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

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The Husband’s Rights Over His Wife

The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.” [al-Baqarah 2:228]

al-Jassaas said: “Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him.

Ibn al-‘Arabi said: “This text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage.

These rights include:

(a) The Obligation Of Obedience

Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]

‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, “they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth.” This was the view of Muqaatil, al-Saddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492)

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One Apple Leads To His Marriage. A Beautiful Story!

One Apple Leads To His Marriage. A Beautiful Story!

* Please do read this – A wonderful story indeed *

One of our pious predecessors, Thabit Bin Nu’man, was hungry and tired as he was passing through a garden that bordered a river. He was so hungry that he could hear his stomach growling, and so his eyes became fixed on the fruits he saw on the various trees of the garden. In a fit of desperation, he forgot himself and extended his hand to an apple that was within reach. He ate half of it and then drank water from the river. But then he became overcome with guilt, despite the fact that he had only eaten because of dire need.

He said to himself, “Woe unto me! How can I eat someone else’s fruits without his permission? I make it binding upon myself not to leave this place until I find the owner of this garden and ask him to forgive me for having eaten one of his apples.

After a brief search, he found the owner’s house. He knocked on the door and the owner of the garden came out and asked him what he wanted.

Thabit Bin Nu’man said, “I entered your garden that borders the river, and I took this apple and ate half of it. Then I remembered it does not belong to me, and so I ask you now to excuse me for having eaten it and to forgive me for my mistake.

The man said, “On one condition only I will forgive you for your mistake.

Thabit Bin Nu’man asked, “And what is that condition?

He said, “That you marry my daughter.

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Do Parents Have A Right To Choose Their Child’s Marriage Partner?

Praise be to Allaah.

The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419]

Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want.

But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” [Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865]

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Why Marriages Fail, By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Why Marriages Fail

By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Part 1: The Scale Of The Problem

Part 2: causes For Divorce

Part 3: Effects Of Pornography

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Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

By ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

[Taken From Tarbiyat-ul- Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 18-22)]

[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

2. Choosing the Mother (i.e. one’s wife):

If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the great aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allaah and serve as a provision for their parents. The Prophet said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood] [1]

Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying: “A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, may your hand be covered in dust.”[2]

Allaah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.

The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee] [3]

On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] [4]

And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.”[Reported by Ibn Maajah] [5]

This is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for him.

A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.

At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!

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Choosing A Spouse (Who The Sister Chooses)

Choosing A Spouse (Who The Brother Chooses)

There are several things sisters look for when they are looking for a mate. But unfortunately many of them look for the wrong thing. As one of my good friends said: “Akhii all they looking for these days is money cars and superstars”.. A plethora of sisters have chosen brothers upon the wrong criteria and have paid dearly as a result.

The Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) gave a golden advice to those who are the guardians of the sisters. He said: “If a man comes to you who has good religion and good manners than marry him (to the woman you are in charge of) and if you do not do so there will be great and widespread mischief on earth”. This hadeeth has many benefits and from them are:

1) The Muslim woman doesn’t just go on the street, sees a good looking brother and then seeks his hand in marriage . Rather this process goes through the guardian of the women. Hence for many sisters the process began on the wrong foot. And the scholars have said: “Whatever is built upon falsehood remains false”.

2) The man who is chosen should be one who has good deen i.e he should have knowledge of the religion and must act upon this knowledge. Whether it is in his belief, his understanding of jurisprudence or his dealings with others. He would also fear Allah in secret and in the open.

3) He should have good manners . And this would ensure that he treats his wife with the best of treatment and gives her the rights that were bestowed upon her by Allah the most high.

4) If this is not done there would be great mischief upon the earth .

No doubt mischief has been spread because this golden advice has not been taken by most guardians. And Allah’s help is sought. This is the case of what we would call ‘traditional’ Muslim families.

As for many reverts or even some sisters that grew up in Muslim homes they choose a man, whether Muslim or Kaafir, and seeks to marry him on the pretense of giving da’wah when in reality they wish to marry him for another purpose. This phenomenon is what is called in Trinidad the ‘Nikah Da’wah’. And what is sad is that when these relationships don’t work out they seek the help of the Muslims, and they complain, fret and get vext. I feel some sympathy but as the old saying goes you made your bed therefore lie down on it.

On this note I would like to lend some advice to the Muslims that would be beneficial to them. I am sure that all have seen that the common denominator for choosing a spouse is the religion and having good manners. If one knows this and doesn’t act accordingly then as we say in Trinidad: Crapaud smoke yuh pipe.

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He Told Her A Lie About His Parents And She Is Asking Him For Khula‘

He Told Her A Lie About His Parents And She Is Asking Him For Khula‘

QUESTION: If a man tells a lie to his wife, is that a valid reason for her to ask for khula‘? I lied to my wife before we got married by telling her that my parents were dead, when that was not the case.

ANSWER: Praise be to Allaah.

There is no doubt that lying is one of the vilest of attributes and it is the key to all evil and is a weak foundation for the one who wants to build a household and establish a Muslim family.

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “I enjoin you to be truthful, for truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man may continue to tell the truth and endeavour to be truthful until he is recorded with Allaah as a speaker of truth. And beware of lying, for lying leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to Hell. A man may continue to tell lies and endeavour to tell lies, until he is recorded with Allaah as a liar.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6094) and Muslim (2607).

But that mistake that the husband made on its own is not a justification or sufficient reason for the woman to try to break up her family by seeking divorce (talaaq) or khula‘, if there is no convincing legitimate shar‘i, rational, health or social reason for that, so long as the wife cannot see any fault in her husband’s attitude or religious commitment or his treatment of her. There may have been a reason why he committed this error. What he should do now is admit his mistake and admit that his deed was serious and wrong.

If he sets things straight with his wife and is good in his religious commitment and his treatment of her, then the wife should not take that as an excuse to break up her family, especially as she has nothing to gain from his parents being dead and will not be harmed if they are alive. All there is to be said is that she does not have to live with them or live in their house, and the matter is settled.

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Does He Have To Tell His Second Wife That He Is Married?

Does He Have To Tell His Second Wife That He Is Married?

QUESTION: I married a foreign woman after she became Muslim in a shar‘i marriage in accordance with the laws of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger, and I concealed from her the fact that I was married before. Is my marriage legitimate or do I have to tell her that I am married and that she is the second wife? Please note that I concealed this matter from her because the country in which we live does not allow plural marriage.

ANSWER: Praise be to Allaah.

It is not obligatory for the husband to tell the second wife that he is already married and this does not affect the validity of his marriage to her. So long as the marriage contract fulfilled the necessary requirements and conditions, then it is valid.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah preserve him) was asked:

Is it essential for the marriage to be valid that a man should inform the woman he wants to marry that he is married to another one, if he is not asked about that? Are there any consequences if he denies it if he is asked?

He replied:

The man is not obliged to tell the woman or her family that he is married if they do not ask him, but that cannot usually be hidden because marriage is not usually done except after a period of enquiring and asking about each of the two partners and verifying that they are suitable. But it is not permissible to conceal any facts, and if either party tells a lie and the other party acts on the basis of it, then there is the option of cancelling it. If he says that he is not married and is lying about that, then the woman has the option of annulling the marriage. If they say that she was a virgin when she is not, then he has the option of going ahead with the marriage or cancelling it.

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/129.

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