Tag Archive | wives

The Story Of Umm Habibah; A Loyal Wife By All Means

Umm Habibah was married to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) through the proxy of the Emperor of Abyssinia. She was the daughter of the chief of Makkah.

Her name was Ramlah bint Abi Sufyan. She was born 25 years before the Hijrah. Being the daughter of a prominent merchant and leader of her people, Umm Habibah enjoyed a very easy and comfortable life.

She — herself one of the few literate Arabs at the time — was married to a wealthy Makkan who was versed in the knowledge of major religions of his time. Despite the fierce resistance the Makkan polytheists showed to Islam and the fact that her own parents were among the arch enemies of Islam, Umm Habibah was one of the early converts to Islam.

Out of fear for his followers, Prophet Muhammad advised them to emigrate to Abyssinia on the Western Arabian side of the Red Sea that separated the Peninsula from Africa.

Umm Habibah was one of the emigrants along with her husband, Ubaidullah ibn Jahsh. To her misfortune the husband, for some reason or another, apostatized and took to drinking.

Thus, Umm Habibah had to suffer not only separation from her home and family at Makkah, but she also suffered alienation from a beloved husband. Yet, as a courageous Muslim, she bore all these difficulties with patience and perseverance, finding solace in the freedom she enjoyed along with the other emigrants in Abyssinia under the protection of Emperor Negus who was an open-minded Christian.

Parenthetically, we may add that according to Muslim historians the Emperor of Abyssinia (known today as Ethiopia) did convert at a later date to Islam in secrecy, out of admiration for Islam and its teachings, which explains why Prophet Muhammad asked the companions to pray for him upon his death.

During the year of truce between the Muslims and the Makkan polytheists, Prophet Muhammad, sent messages to the heads of the big powers of the time, Khosrau of Persia, the Byzantine emperor and the ruler of Abyssinia.

Along with the missive calling Negus to Islam, the Prophet asked him to act proxy for him in the marriage to Umm Habibah. For Prophet Muhammad realized the agony she was going through in that far and strange land.

The best consolation he could offer her was honoring her by marriage to him. Politically this was also a tactful act, because through marriage to Umm Habibah, the Prophet would be an in-law to Abu Sufyan, the leading antagonist of Islam, which would, help in softening his hostile attitude.

Thus, Umm Habibah was honored not only by being asked in marriage to the Prophet of Islam, but she was also honored by having the Emperor of Abyssinia himself proxy suitor.

Upon hearing of the proposal, Umm Habibah appointed a Companion to represent her and act as guardian. The emperor celebrated the occasion on behalf of the Prophet by giving a feast to the Muslim emigrants who attended the wedding.

It was sometime later that Umm Habibah managed to go to Madinah to her husband along with the other Muslim emigrants led by a cousin of the Prophet, Jafar ibn Abi Talib.

At the house of the Prophet, Umm Habibah faced another important test of her faith, when she came face to face with her father Abu Sufyan who was (as mentioned earlier) the leader of the enemies of Islam.

For, when some allies of Quraish broke the terms of the peace truce with Prophet Muhammad, with the implicit approval of the people of Quraish, Abu Sufyan hurried to Madinah to cover up for the treacherous act.

The first person that came to his mind was certainly his daughter Umm Habibah, since she was the wife of Prophet Muhammad. He hoped she would intercede for him with her husband.

Upon entering his daughter’s room Abu Sufyan wanted to sit on the Prophet’s mattress. Umm Habibah quickly folded the mattress. He was surprised and asked:

Are you trying to keep me away from the mattress or keep the mattress away from me?

Umm Habibah answered: “It is the mattress of the Messenger of God. You are a disbeliever and unclean. I did not want you to sit on the Messenger of God’s mattress,

He said: “By God, something has gone wrong with you.

She answered: “On the contrary, God has guided me to Islam. Father, you are the master and leader of Quraish. How can you sit on it as you have not joined Islam and are still worshipping useless stones?

The mission proved a failure for Abu Sufyan. But for Umm Habibah, she passed another difficult test. She had to choose between loyalty to her faith and love for her father whom she had not seen for many long years. She chose to take sides with her faith.

Thus, when Umm Habibah died 44 years after the Hijrah, her memory keeps living in the minds and hearts of millions of Muslims.

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Wives Preventing Polygyny, By Shaykh Al-Albaanee

Definition: Polygyny: The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.

This is a much needed admonition to the muslimaat upon the sunnah, and may Allaah grant both men and women the akhlaaq (manners) to deal with such situations.

Shaykh Al-Albaanee (rahimahullaah) says:

Of course, I believe that that is not allowed for (the woman) (to come between her husband and polygyny) because of two reasons:

The first (reason) is that she is hindering (her husband) from the path of Allaah.

And the other (reason) is that she is opposing the command of her husband.

Because you know…that the obedience of a woman to her husband is obligatory the way the matter is with regard to the obedience of an individual from the individual members of a nation toward the Muslim ruler, with an obedience which I don’t say is blind but rather a complete obedience, except what is made an exception in the islamic legislation, which is (obeying someone) in disobedience to Allaah.

And from this results Islamically legislated rulings which (state) that if the Muslim ruler commands that which is fundamentally allowed, this command becomes obligatory for the one who is commanded with it to carry it out, because it is the command of the ruler. Exactly likewise is the command with respect to the husband with his wife.

So, if the husband commands his wife with some command while that command is allowed in the foundation of the islamic legislation and while the woman is able to carry it out, then it is obligatory upon her to obey him. And if she does not obey him, then she has disobeyed Allaah and His Messenger [sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam].

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Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

– The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
– If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
– She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
– She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
– Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
– She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
 Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
 She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
 Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
 She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
 His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
 He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
 His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
 His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
 She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

The Second Type:

 From amongst them are: The Shafsha’leeq (The relaxed and lazy woman), Sha’sha (The tall woman), Salfa’a (The blatantly ill-mannered woman), possessor of saturated poison (36), a spark of light yet worn out, she moves with the wind and flies with everyone who has wings (37).
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Men Are Thieves On Guard

By Umm Hanifa

My dear daughters in Islam,

Assalamu alaikum,

I wanted to write this article because it is important that you know the nature of men to both protect yourself and gain your husband’s love.

Allah knows best the nature of men and women and thus, He (swt) has instilled some rules to follow. Islam is a wonderful religion because it gives its right to every creature on Earth and of course to all men, women and children.

The children are the weakest of the three and Allah – with His infinite Mercy, has given them rights (and duties) but this is not the scope of this article.

Women are also weaker than men and this is not to mean that women are less important or less intelligent or less capable, it just means there are certain things that women are not as strong as men and one of such things is dealing with emotions or some aspects of our physical abilities.

Thus, women are a trust in men’s hands. Yet, Allah (swt) knows the nature of men and that there is a sexual weakness in the hearts of many of them that Allah (swt) has taught us how to protect ourselves from them!

When you go out, you always make sure that your house’s door is closed and so are the windows. This preventive measures are to avoid letting thieves in.

Many times you have heard ‘Do not invite thieves by leaving your window open’ of if you are going to park your car on the street ‘Do not encourage thieves by leaving your valuables insight in your car’ as this will most certainly attract thieves to your car, and the outcome of that is always not something you wish to deal with as it involves a loss in property and a loss in wealth and a shake to your emotions and nerves.

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Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Women Are Of Four Types – 20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Marriage

Ibn Hibban narrated in his work Nazahti Al-Fadlaa the advice of Al-Khattaab bin Mu’laa Al-Makhzoomee to his son. At the end of his words he mentioned the following: “Know that women vary more than the fingers of your hand. So be cautious in dealing with them.

Every Evil Women will inevitably harm you:

The First Type:

The woman who is amazed with herself and belittles her husband (27).
If he honors her she sees it not except as a result of her virtue over him (28).
She shows no gratitude for his courtesy. In her eyes he always falls short.
She lashes her tongue out at him like a sharp sword.
Her imprudence has removed the cover of shyness from her face: she is not shy from exposing her faults even when in front of the neighbors (29).
She is like a growling dog with rabies, barking and biting.
Her husband’s face is sad (30), and his honor is violated with the people.
She over burdens him with her bad etiquettes and does not tend to his worldly or religious affairs.
Nor does she uphold her duties towards him in spite of his companionship and the many children they may share;
She doesn’t recognize any good that he does.
His covering is revealed and made public. All the good that he does is buried (31).
He reaches the morning dispirited and enters the evening reprimanding her (32).
His drink is sour. His food is rage. His children are wasted and his house is destroyed (33).
His clothes is filthy and hair dishevel. If he laughs he is worn down (34), and if he speaks he feels sickened. His day is night; his night is misery (35).
She bites him like a vicious snake, and stings like a scorpion.

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Two Husbands In The House

Two Husbands In The House

Many women -because of feminism – don’t obey their husbands – which is sinful.

Some practising sisters – they are not realising that they should obey their husbands. Allah’s Messenger said [meaning];

«لَوْ كُنْتُ آمِرًا أَحَدًا أَنْ يَسْجُدَ لِأَحَدٍ، لَأَمَرْتُ الْمَرْأَةَ أَنْ تَسْجُدَ لِزَوْجِهَا، مِنْ عِظَمِ حَقِّهِ عَلَيْهَا»

“If I were to command anyone to prostrate before anyone, I would have commanded the wife to prostrate before her husband, because of the enormity of his right upon her.”
There are so many other ahadeeth on the rights of the husband from the wife.

A [non muslim] Noble Prize winner said;

The Economical and Social crisis within the western world is due to the both husbands not playing the role they should play.

Meaning: the husband should provide for the family, and the woman should help the husband in the home to raise the children and the household.

He said; the husband should play his major role, and the wife should play her major role in the house and provide for the children etc. Once each party plays their role, a complimentary relationship will form. The husband is the provider for the house, and the wife uses this provision to grow the fruits (i.e. children).

A Wife as a Companion

It is the nature of the man; when he comes back home from work, he is tired and frustrated – and he wants to see his wife looking at him, smiling and caring for him and giving him attention. If he comes home from work and sees his wife on the phone, or the internet, or her attention isn’t on him in a good way – he will feel frustrated. He will feel that his wife is not for him, and due to this – problems start. Even a small thing will become a major thing because he will be ready to argue due to his previous frustration.

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The Story Of Umm Habibah; A Loyal Wife By All Means

The Story Of Umm Habibah; A Loyal Wife By All Means

Umm Habibah was married to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) through the proxy of the Emperor of Abyssinia. She was the daughter of the chief of Makkah.

Her name was Ramlah bint Abi Sufyan. She was born 25 years before the Hijrah. Being the daughter of a prominent merchant and leader of her people, Umm Habibah enjoyed a very easy and comfortable life.

She — herself one of the few literate Arabs at the time — was married to a wealthy Makkan who was versed in the knowledge of major religions of his time. Despite the fierce resistance the Makkan polytheists showed to Islam and the fact that her own parents were among the arch enemies of Islam, Umm Habibah was one of the early converts to Islam.

Out of fear for his followers, Prophet Muhammad advised them to emigrate to Abyssinia on the Western Arabian side of the Red Sea that separated the Peninsula from Africa.

Umm Habibah was one of the emigrants along with her husband, Ubaidullah ibn Jahsh. To her misfortune the husband, for some reason or another, apostatized and took to drinking.

Thus, Umm Habibah had to suffer not only separation from her home and family at Makkah, but she also suffered alienation from a beloved husband. Yet, as a courageous Muslim, she bore all these difficulties with patience and perseverance, finding solace in the freedom she enjoyed along with the other emigrants in Abyssinia under the protection of Emperor Negus who was an open-minded Christian.

Parenthetically, we may add that according to Muslim historians the Emperor of Abyssinia (known today as Ethiopia) did convert at a later date to Islam in secrecy, out of admiration for Islam and its teachings, which explains why Prophet Muhammad asked the companions to pray for him upon his death.

During the year of truce between the Muslims and the Makkan polytheists, Prophet Muhammad, sent messages to the heads of the big powers of the time, Khosrau of Persia, the Byzantine emperor and the ruler of Abyssinia.

Along with the missive calling Negus to Islam, the Prophet asked him to act proxy for him in the marriage to Umm Habibah. For Prophet Muhammad realized the agony she was going through in that far and strange land.

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Why Marriages Fail, By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Why Marriages Fail

By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Part 1: The Scale Of The Problem

Part 2: causes For Divorce

Part 3: Effects Of Pornography

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Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

By ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

[Taken From Tarbiyat-ul- Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 18-22)]

[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

2. Choosing the Mother (i.e. one’s wife):

If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the great aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allaah and serve as a provision for their parents. The Prophet said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood] [1]

Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying: “A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, may your hand be covered in dust.”[2]

Allaah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.

The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee] [3]

On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] [4]

And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.”[Reported by Ibn Maajah] [5]

This is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for him.

A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.

At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!

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Choosing A Spouse (Who The Sister Chooses)

Choosing A Spouse (Who The Brother Chooses)

There are several things sisters look for when they are looking for a mate. But unfortunately many of them look for the wrong thing. As one of my good friends said: “Akhii all they looking for these days is money cars and superstars”.. A plethora of sisters have chosen brothers upon the wrong criteria and have paid dearly as a result.

The Messenger (Salallahu alaihi wa sallam) gave a golden advice to those who are the guardians of the sisters. He said: “If a man comes to you who has good religion and good manners than marry him (to the woman you are in charge of) and if you do not do so there will be great and widespread mischief on earth”. This hadeeth has many benefits and from them are:

1) The Muslim woman doesn’t just go on the street, sees a good looking brother and then seeks his hand in marriage . Rather this process goes through the guardian of the women. Hence for many sisters the process began on the wrong foot. And the scholars have said: “Whatever is built upon falsehood remains false”.

2) The man who is chosen should be one who has good deen i.e he should have knowledge of the religion and must act upon this knowledge. Whether it is in his belief, his understanding of jurisprudence or his dealings with others. He would also fear Allah in secret and in the open.

3) He should have good manners . And this would ensure that he treats his wife with the best of treatment and gives her the rights that were bestowed upon her by Allah the most high.

4) If this is not done there would be great mischief upon the earth .

No doubt mischief has been spread because this golden advice has not been taken by most guardians. And Allah’s help is sought. This is the case of what we would call ‘traditional’ Muslim families.

As for many reverts or even some sisters that grew up in Muslim homes they choose a man, whether Muslim or Kaafir, and seeks to marry him on the pretense of giving da’wah when in reality they wish to marry him for another purpose. This phenomenon is what is called in Trinidad the ‘Nikah Da’wah’. And what is sad is that when these relationships don’t work out they seek the help of the Muslims, and they complain, fret and get vext. I feel some sympathy but as the old saying goes you made your bed therefore lie down on it.

On this note I would like to lend some advice to the Muslims that would be beneficial to them. I am sure that all have seen that the common denominator for choosing a spouse is the religion and having good manners. If one knows this and doesn’t act accordingly then as we say in Trinidad: Crapaud smoke yuh pipe.

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