Tag Archive | who

Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

Choosing A Good Spouse In Marriage

By ‘Abdus-Salaam bin ‘Abdillaah As-Sulaymaan

[Taken From Tarbiyat-ul- Awlaad fee Daw’-il-Kitaabi was-Sunnah (pg. 18-22)]

[From the upcoming Al-Ibaanah publication: “Raising Children in Light of the Qur’aan and Sunnah” by ‘Abdus-Salaam As-Sulaymaan. The book was introduced and commended by Shaikh Saalih Al-Fawzaan.]

2. Choosing the Mother (i.e. one’s wife):

If someone wishes to produce ripe fruits, he will indeed search for the land that is most fertile. One of the great aspects of wisdom behind getting married is to produce righteous offspring that will worship Allaah and serve as a provision for their parents. The Prophet said: “Marry women that are loving and fertile for indeed I will outnumber the nations through you.” [Reported by Abu Dawood] [1]

Furthermore, the Prophet clarified the people’s standards when seeking a partner for marriage, saying: “A woman is married for four (reasons): Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So choose the woman with (good) religious qualities, may your hand be covered in dust.”[2]

Allaah says: “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard.” [Surah An-Nisaa: 34]

The devoutly obedient (Qaanitaat) here refers to those women obey their husbands – by guarding their honor, wealth and lives in their absence.

The Prophet warned about (marrying) a beautiful woman from a bad origin, saying: “Beware of the green manure.” The Companions asked: “What is the green manure?” He said: “A beautiful woman of bad origin (i.e. upbringing).” [Reported by Ad-Daaraqutnee] [3]

On the other hand, he praised a woman with good religious qualities, saying: “Shall I not inform you of the best treasure that a man gathers – A righteous wife.” [Reported by Al-Haakim] [4]

And he said: “Choose for your seeds (a good mother), for indeed breeding is a strategy.”[Reported by Ibn Maajah] [5]

This is from the rights that a child has over his father – that he picks a good mother for him.

A man once came to ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab complaining about his son being undutiful to him. He had brought his son with him and began blaming him for his disobedience, so the son asked: “Doesn’t a son have a right over his father also?” ‘Umar said: “Of course.” The son said: “Then what is it?” ‘Umar replied: “That his father carefully chooses a mother for him, that he gives him a good name and that he teaches him the Qur’aan.

At this, the son said: “My father has not done any of these things. As for my mother, she was a black slave woman that used to belong to a Zoroastrian (Majoos). He named me Ju’al and did not teach me even one letter from the Qur’aan.” ‘Umar turned to the man and said: “You came to me to complain about your son being undutiful to you, however, it is you who were undutiful to him before that!

Continue reading