Tag Archive | sexual

The Dangers Of Women In The Field Of Business, Ibn Katheer

In his tafseer of soorah 11, verse 114, the aayah of which reads:

And perform the Salat at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night [i.e. the five compulsory prayers]. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins).”

Ibn Katheer mentions a very interesting story:

Imam Ahmad recorded that Ibn ‘Abbas said that a man came to ‘Umar and said that a woman came to do business with him.

During the course of their business, he took her into his place and did everything with her except the actual act of sexual intercourse.

‘Umar said, “Woe unto you! She probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah.’

The man said, “Of course she was.

‘Umar then said, “Go to Abu Bakr and ask him about this.

The man went to Abu Bakr and asked him about the matter. Abu Bakr said, “She probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah,” just as ‘Umar had said.

Then he went to the Prophet and told him the same story. The Prophet said;

She probably was a woman whose husband is away (fighting) in the path of Allah.

Then a verse of Qur’an was revealed,

And perform the Salah, at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds.” [11:114]

The man then said, “O Messenger of Allah! Is this verse only for me, or does it apply to all of the people in general?

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Chastity, By Imâm Al-Haram, Husayn Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Azîz Aal Sheikh

All praise is due to Allah. I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. May peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, his household and companions.

Fellow Muslims! The religion of Islam was revealed complete in order to perfect Allah’s blessings on mankind, and guarantee the highest form of grace and kindness. It orders that conditions be improved, and that people be generous. It warns against useless and time-wasting speech and actions. It brought all that can beautify the slave of Allah, and decorate him, and all that can distance him from anything that may defile him and disgrace him.

The Prophet said,

Allah is generous and gracious, and he loves the generous, gracious people, and He loves the ones who strive to better the state of affairs and He hates useless and time-wasting speech and actions.” (At-Tabarani)

One of Islam’s greatest goals is to establish the abstention from what is forbidden, create virtuousness, purity and to implant good-doing and charity in the community, and the distancing from vice and indecency. And from here Islam has been careful to distance people from their animalistic desires and Satanic manners.

Allah says,

And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste until Allah enriches them of His Bounty.” (An-Noor 24: 33)

He also says,

But to refrain (i.e. not to discard their outer clothing) is better for them. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (An-Noor 24: 60)

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Taking Good And Beneficial Knowledge Regarding Intimacy Wherever One Finds It

However, before we begin, some might question whether we as Muslims are allowed to benefit from Western sources regarding these topics (of intimacy and love). The response is that our religion encourages us to take wisdom from all peoples and cultures. The Prophet salla Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “Wisdom is the lost item of the believer – wherever he finds it, he takes it.” [Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]

Just as we take from all societies their knowledge of medicine, engineering, and chemistry, so too there is no problem in taking good and beneficial knowledge regarding intimacy from different cultures as well. In fact, even our Prophet salla Allahu alahyi wa sallam did so. He said, “I was about to forbid you from having intercourse with your wives while they are breastfeeding children, but I saw that the Romans and Persians did that and it did not harm their children” [Reported by al-Bukhari].

Therefore, the fact that the Romans and Persians engaged in intimacy while the mother was breastfeeding, and it did not harm the child, was used by our Prophet to allow intercourse during this time.

Jazakum Allah khayr!

Yasir Qadhi

[Extracted from LikeAGarment]

Visual Versus Emotional Desire

We mentioned earlier that Allah has created men and women differently. One of the most pronounced differences between genders when it comes to issues of intimacy is arousal. Each gender has been keyed to respond to different senses. If a couple wishes to maximize feelings of closeness and intimacy, it is essential that each party understands the other’s arousal mechanism.

For men, the primary sense of arousal is physical. Seeing the figure, smelling the aroma, and touching the body of a woman is what arouses a man. When a man’s physical needs are satisfied, he is most likely to reciprocate with emotional responses.

For a woman, on the other hand, the primary sense of arousal is emotional. Feeling loved, appreciated and cared for are the underlying emotional factors that will mostly make the woman love back in return. When a woman’s emotional needs are satisfied, she is more likely to reciprocate with physical responses.

One of the biggest sources of conflict in a marriage is this simple lack of understanding. Women feel used when their husbands take advantage of them physically but ignore their emotional needs. On the other hand, men feel frustrated that their wives are so withdrawn and cold during acts of intimacy, complaining both at the quantity and quality of these acts. Both parties need to give more of what the other party wants, in order to receive back what they themselves desire.

A marriage is a give-and-take relationship. It is a two way street. You must give the best of what your partner wants in order to obtain the best of what you wish to receive. Men need to learn to be more sensitive and understanding, and women need to learn to be more physical.

Jazakum Allah khayr!
Yasir Qadhi

Email 12 of LikeAGarment

The Language of Love

Love has many languages. By this, we mean that there are different ways that people express love and recognize it. Many times, the way that a person expresses love is not the same way that their partner wants to hear it.

Imagine, if you will, two people who are speaking different languages to one another – say, Chinese and Swahili. Even though one of them might be saying ‘I love you’ in her language, the other person simply has no clue that this is a message of love. They are not communicating in the same wavelength.

Many times, a person feels unloved by his or her spouse because the expected language to hear that love never materializes. Yet, if the spouse were asked about his or her feelings, it would become clear that true love does actually exist. It’s just a matter of not communicating the feeling of love properly to the other party.

For example, some people express their love by wanting to spend quality time with their beloved. This is generally more common amongst women. If a wife does not get to spend quality time with her husband, she might feel unloved, even if he is showing his love to her in other ways (by spending his money on her, for example). On the other hand, other people express love by physical acts, such as kissing and sexual activity. This is more common amongst men. When a man regularly approaches his wife, he is showing that he loves her. Yet, the wife is not ‘hearing’ this love because in her vocabulary, love must be expressed in a different language – that of time. Unless and until she sees this aspect, she will find it difficult to understand that her husband loves her.

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A Wife Can Be A Source Of Reward!

Ibn Mas’ood (ra) related that the Prophet (saw) said; “When a man spends on his family seeking the reward for that from Allaah, then it is charity on his behalf.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Sa’d Ibn Abee Waqaas (ra) related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “Indeed, whenever you spend seeking Allaah’s Countenance for doing so, you will be rewarded for it – even for what (i.e., the food) you put in the mouth of your wife.” [Saheeh Bukhaari]

Abu Dharr related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “In the private part of each of you there is charity.

The companions asked; “O Messenger Of Allaah, does one of us fulfil his (sexual) desire (i.e., have sexual relations with his wife) and still get rewarded?!

He said; “Yes, do you not see that if one were to use it for haraam (i.e., if one was to have sexual relations with a woman other than his wife) – there would be a sin upon him? And similar is the case of the one who uses it for halaal (purposes)! He has his reward!” [Saheeh Muslim]

Beautiful Narration: “I Had Sexual Relations With My Wife While Observing The Ramadhaan Fast.”

Beautiful Narration: “I Had Sexual Relations With My Wife While Observing The Ramadhaan Fast.”

While we were sitting in the company of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) a man approached and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I’m ruined!

The Prophet said: “What is the matter?

He said: “I had sexual relations with my wife while observing the Ramadan fast.

Allah’s Messenger then asked him: “Can you find a slave whom you can free?” He said “No“. “Then, are you able to fast for two consecutive months?” He said “No“. “Then, do you have the wherewithal to feed 60 poor people?” He said “No“.

So the Prophet (peace be upon him) stopped and considered, and we waited like that until a large basket of dates was brought to him. He asked: “Where is that questioner?

The man spoke up: “Here I am.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Take this and give it out in charity.

The man then asked: “Messenger of Allah, must I find someone poorer than myself to give it to? By Allah, there is no household in town poorer than my own.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) laughed until we could see his teeth, the said: “Go feed your family.

This hadîth is related by Abû Hurayrah in Sahîh al-Bukhârî (1936) and Sahîh Muslim (1111).

Source

A point to be noted is that the Messenger of Allah did not ask the female whom he had sexual relations with to also do any of these acts (fast, feed the poor etc), so a woman is free from such compensations, and Allaah knows best.