Tag Archive | peace

Fundamentals Of A Happy Marriage

Fundamentals Of A Happy Marriage

Faith: The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple.

Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim’s life. The frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values which is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in the developing a loving relationship.

For example, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, that when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah WE ACTUALLY INCREASE OUR FAITH.

Forgiving: When the Prophet Muhammad asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you’ they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other’.

One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.

If we expect Allah to forgive us than we must learn to forgive.

Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.

Forbearance: Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul and reliance .We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life’s difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah al-Asr: “Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr’ (Quran, chapter 103).

Flexible: Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.

We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be them selves as long as it does not compromise their Deen (religion). Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.

Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.

First is to develop a friendship with our spouses.The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.

We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

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Advice To Women Regarding Marriage: The Wife’s Role In Her Home

Advice To Women Regarding Marriage: The Wife’s Role In Her Home

This is to serve her husband, bear, nurse, and nurture his children, and be a housewife.

If a woman is used to being immersed in the study and propagation of Islaam, and then marries whilst not clearly having in mind a role as a wife, she may begin feeling, very shortly after marriage, that her new role as a wife is a trivial one. This may cause her to begin leaving her house to resume her former lifestyle. It is vital, however, that she understand her role and obligation as a wife and the reward of fulfilling them. Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (sallallahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (i.e. the month of Ramadhaan), guards her private parts and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any of its gates that she wishes.” [Abu Nu’aym]

The married woman must persevere through the hardships of pregnancy, pre-delivery contractions and the agony of the delivery itself. Some women refuse to go through such hardships and take birth control pills to prevent pregnancy, or, if they do get pregnant, prefer a caesarean section over a normal delivery.

‘Amr Ibn Hijr (may Allah have mercy on him) married Kindah Bint ‘Awf Ash-Shaybaani (may Allah have mercy on him). On her wedding night, her mother, Umaamah Bint Al-Haarith (may Allah be pleased with her) took her aside and advised her:

Dear daughter! You are leaving the environment which you are accustomed to and departing from the place you grew up in to a partner whom you are unfamiliar with. If a woman had no need of a husband due to her parents sufficing her, then you would be the last person to require a husband, but women were created to be the partners of men, and men were created to be the partners of women. Act like his slave, and he will become like your slave. Uphold the following ten matters and you will find them to be provisions:

– The first and second are to be content with what he provides and to listen to and obey him.

– The third and the fourth are to make sure that all he sees and smells from you are pleasing to him, so he should not see you in a displeasing appearance, nor smell anything but a fine fragrance from you.

– The fifth and the sixth are to comfort him in his sleep and food, because repeated hunger and lack of sleep will enflame his anger.

– The seventh and the eighth are to protect his wealth and take care of his children; the focal point regarding wealth is to have good judgement in spending it, and that regarding the children is to properly nurture them.

– The ninth and the tenth are to not disobey his commands or disclose his secrets, because when you disobey him you intimidate him, and if you disclose his secrets you would not know what he may do to you. Do not be joyful in front of him when he is upset, or express sadness if he is happy.”

‘Abdullaah Ibn Ja’far (may Allah have mercy on him) addressed his daughter saying:

“- Avoid jealousy, as it is the key to your divorce;

– avoid complaint, as it instigates anger;

– adorn yourself for him, and make sure you wash away any bad odours by frequent bathing.

Source

Why Marriages Fail, By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Why Marriages Fail

By Shaykh Haitham Al-Haddaad

Part 1: The Scale Of The Problem

Part 2: causes For Divorce

Part 3: Effects Of Pornography

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60 Ways To Keep Your Husband’s Love

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn’t want a man for his wife!

2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don’t stay in your sleeping suit all day.

3. Smell good!

4. Don’t lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.

5. Don’t keep asking him, “what are you thinking?”

6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta’ala gives you something really to complain about.

7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
1. Mediate any injustice done so any wrong can be corrected and the couple can reunite in harmony, or
2. Amicable divorce

8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.

9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights

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The Marriage Contract: Its Basic Elements

By Bilal Abu Aisha

All praise is due to Allah, the Creator of our world and the laws that govern it. And Peace and blessings of Allah be upon His slave and final Messenger Muhammad (saws), the one sent to all of mankind, the one sent to guide people out from the darkness of shirk (polytheism), into the light of Tawheed (montheism).

Know dear reader that Allah (swt) has created things in pairs. Those pairs must get together in certain ways in order for reproduction to occur. The way for reproduction to occur amongst humans – males and females, is through marriage, known in Arabic as nikaah. Islam urges Muslims to marry, and prohibits pre-marital relationships. Allah Most High says in the Qur’an: “Marry the unmarried among you…”1 Also, Allah’s Messenger (saws) in the hadith found in Bukhari and Muslim, commanded young people to marry, and advised those of them who could not afford it to fast as a means of controlling their sexual desire. From an Islamic perspective, marriage is not viewed merely as a means of satisfying natural desires and passions. Its goals are much deeper than just obtaining legal sex. Allah (swt) points out one of the main objectives behind marriage by saying: “And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you might live with tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts (hearts)…”2

Therefore, the phenomenon of bachelorship or celibacy are UN-Islamic practices that result in devastation, effecting the Muslim community, and posing a threat to the Islamic world. What devastation? What threat on the Islamic world? The answers to these questions are found in the non-Muslim communities. Every day we hear and observe with our very eyes the perverted and sinful ways of the Kuffaar (disbelievers). These ways which they find acceptable in their societies have ultimately led to many types of diseases such as A.I.D.S, syphilis and the like, as a result of their choice to follow the unnatural way of abstaining from marriage.

The marriage contract is the formal bond that turns two individuals from strangers to husband and wife. It is the most important contract that most people execute throughout their lives. Since the marriage contract has such great significance, the deen of Islam imposes a number of guidelines that it must fulfill. Many Muslims who are engaged in pre-marital relationships hold back from having the contract executed due to their ignorance about its elements. So they continue to live a sinful lifestyle due to cultural influences which lead them thinking the process is too demanding. Before delving into the basic elements of marriage, it worth mentioning here that marriage is a serious matter and should be dealt with seriously. It is not allowed for a man to marry and then claim he did not really mean it, or that he was joking. The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “There are three matters in which it is not permissible to joke: marriage, divorce, and emancipation (of slaves).”3

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Something For The Married Sisters!

http://www.weneedtounite.com

Enjoyed Al Hubb al ‘Udree [Noble Love]? Then this will surely be enlightening for everyone – married or not, the beneficial insight will only increase and sustain LOVE between lovers in Islam. The information is valuable for all whether married or not so do pass it on to everyone you know.

Insha’Allah through the naseeha we will alll attain Al Hubb al ‘Udree [Noble Love]

For The Woman:

Your husband’s Love Tank ran dry, the engine broke down, and now your marriage is stuck in a ditch by the side of the road? No need to worry! Just sit back and have a nice cup of TEA while you call up Triple A to pull your marriage out of the rut.

TEA Triple A – roadside assistance for understanding the 6 primary love needs of men.

T – Trust
E – Encouragement
A – Admiration

A – Approval
A – Appreciation
A – Acceptance

Trust – When the wife’s attitude is open and receptive toward her husband, he feels *trusted*. To trust a man is to believe that he is doing his best and that he wants the best for his wife. This positive belief should be reflected by the wife’s interactions with her husband.

Example: The husband is trying to fix the kitchen sink. As he struggles with the wrench, the wife looks on and says, “Maybe you should call a plumber…” The husband feels crushed because he thinks she doesn’t trust him to do what’s best for them. Instead, the wife should refrain from giving unsolicited advice (except Islamic advice, of course).

Encouragement – When the wife expresses confidence in her husband’s abilities and character, it fills him with hope and courage and he feels *encouraged*.

Example: When the Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) received the first revelation from Allah, he was terrified and sought comfort with his wife Khadija. He said, “I fear that something may happen to me.” Khadija replied, “Never! But have the glad tidings, for by Allah, Allah will never disgrace you as you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guest generously and assist the deserving, calamity-afflicted ones.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari]

Admiration – When the wife views the husband with wonder, delight, and pleased approval, the husband feels *admired*. Telling him what to do as if he were a child does not make him feel admired. Admiration is when the wife is happily amazed by his unique characteristics or talents like humor, strength, persistence, integrity, honesty, romance, kindness, love, understanding, etc.

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