Tag Archive | haraam

Teaching Our Children To Keep Away From Boyfriend-Girlfriend Relationships

THE GIRLFRIEND-BOYFRIEND RELATIONSHIP

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not.

By Amatullah Islam

PART 1 – Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship

Zina (fornication) has become a common place occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under ‘lock and key’. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of “no boyfriend” when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?

The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or ‘an affair’. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, and sexual diseases – the list goes on.

We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage:

Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community.” [Bukhari and Muslim].

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***Victims Of Freemixing*** Must Read!!!

Question:

My husband and I wanted to know if it were permissable to take Arabic classes at a college where the classes are mixed (men-women). We understand that there is no mixing between the sexes, but confused about the definition of “mixing”. Please tell us what is permissable, what is not and give proof

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

The meeting together, mixing, and intermingling of men and women in one place, the crowding of them together, and the revealing and exposure of women to men are prohibited by the Law of Islam (Shari’ah). These acts are prohibited because they are among the causes for fitnah (temptation or trial which implies evil consequences), the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing.

Among the many proofs of prohibition of the meeting and mixing of men and women in the Qur’aan and Sunnah are:

Verse No. 53 of Surat al-Ahzab, or the Confederates (Interpretation of the meaning); “…for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs…

In explaining this Verse, Ibn Kathir (May Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Meaning, as I forbade you to enter their rooms, I forbid you to look at them at all. If one wants to take something from a woman, one should do so without looking at her. If one wants to ask a woman for something, the same has to be done from behind a screen.

The Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) enforced separation of men and women even at Allaah’s most revered and preferred place, the mosque. This was accomplished via the separation of the women’s rows from the men’s; men were asked to stay in the mosque after completion of the obligatory prayer so that women will have enough time to leave the mosque; and, a special door was assigned to women. Evidence of the foregoing are:

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said that: “After Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said “as-Salamu ‘Alaykum wa Rahmatullah’ twice announcing the end of prayer, women would stand up and leave. He would stay for a while before leaving. Ibn Shihab said that he thought that the staying of the Prophet (May peace and blessings be upon him) was in order for the women to be able to leave before the men who wanted to depart.” [Narrated by al-Bukhari under No. 793]

Abu Dawood under No. 876 narrates the same hadith in Kitab al-Salaat under the title “Insiraaf an-Nisaa’ Qabl al-Rijaal min al-Salaah” (Departure of Women before Men after the Prayer). Ibn ‘Umar said that Allah’s Messenger (May peace and blessings be upon him) said: “We should leave this door (of the mosque) for women.” Naafi’ said: “Ibn ‘Umar never again entered through that door until he died.” [Narrated by Abu Dawood under No. 484 in “Kitab as-Salah” under the Chapter entitled: “at-Tashdid fi Thalik”]

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Is The One Who Kisses A Non-Mahram Woman Regarded As A Zaani (Fornicator Or Adulterer)?

A woman kissed me and I responded to her, and we started touching one another and kissing, but when she asked me to have intercourse with her I refused for fear of the punishment of the zaani before Allaah. Am I an adulterer because of that? I only put my fingers in .

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

What you did by kissing and touching this woman is a reprehensible haraam action from which you have to repent by regretting having done it and resolving not to go back to it. You also have to keep away from the things that lead to fitnah, such as mixing, being alone with a woman, and haraam looks. You should praise Allaah for having saved you from falling into the major sin of zina for which Allaah has issued a stern warning of punishment in this world and in the Hereafter, which includes the hadd punishment of stoning the zaani to death if he was married and giving him one hundred lashes if he is not married.

The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us that zina is one of the reasons for which people will be punished in their graves, and he has told us of the horrific nature of this punishment. See the answer to question no. 8829.

How audacious this woman was when she transgressed the sacred limits set by Allaah, called you to haraam, sought evil and indulged in sin without any fear or shame. How great is the blessing of Allaah to you, that you stopped at that point; there was some trace of faith left in your heart that prevented you from committing the greater evil.

Secondly:

Undoubtedly the zina for which a person is to be punished in the manner described above is penetration, where the private parts meet. As for the things that lead to zina, such as touching, kissing and putting the fingers into the vagina, although they are haraam and abhorrent, the one who does them may be punished for doing them, but he is not punished with the hadd punishment that is meted out to the zaani; rather he should be rebuked and disciplined. As for naming, sharee’ah calls these actions zina, as it says in the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (6243) and Muslim (2657) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam his share of zina which will inevitably catch up with him. The zina of the eye is looking and the zina of the tongue is speaking. The heart wishes and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it.

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