If you were to ponder you would realise that the reward for good (i.e you obeying your husband) is nothing but good (i.e, he will in return treat you good). So your obedience towards your husband leads to him being obedient to you in those things that you seek from him, because indeed a pure soul is accustomed to responding to good with good…
So it is incumbent upon you to obey your husband in al-ma’roof. And that which is apparent from the meaning of obedience is to act upon a command and to abstain from a prohibition. You should become as close to him as possible, by seeking to satisfy his wants and needs at all times.
Don’t wait for him to give you a command or to prohibit you from something.
Rather reflect on your days spent with him and on the things he loves and hates, and be quick to carry these things out. Let your actions precede his command and prohibition. For indeed this is a sign of your cleverness and dignity that you hasten towards good before he even commands it of you.
In addition to that, this obedience is something you have to be committed to and firm upon at all times. So if he were to command you with one thing or prohibit you from another thing, then do not wait for him to command you with the same thing each and every time. It is looked down upon by men of intellect that a man has to constantly reprimand his wife saying, do this and don’t do that.
If you know from your husband’s personality that he likes or dislikes a thing, don’t wait for him to command you and prohibit you, because this is from the things that lead to a husband becoming bored with his wife.
[Taken from “20 Pieces Of Advice To My Sister Before Her Marriage”, p. 26-27]
“Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah used to pray the whole night, and when dawn came she lay down for a bit and then got up frightened, saying to herself, ‘Sleep in the grave is long.’ ” [“Sincere Counsel To Students Of Sacred Knowledge” by Ibn Al-Jawzee, p.53]
Adh-Dhahabee related by way of Ibn Abee Dunyaa: ‘Abda Bint Abee Shawwaal, who used to serve Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah said:
“Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah used to pray the whole night. When morning would come she would lay down till the sky would turn yellow. I used to hear her say, ‘My soul, how much do you sleep and till what time do you stand up? You might sleep for just a little and never get up until the day of Resurrection.’ “
Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah was a ascetic, God fearing worshipper from Basra. She is said to have lived for 80 years and died in 180H.
Ibn Al-Jawzee said:
“Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah the worshipper used to get up to pray in the beginning of the night and say:
‘The lover has stood up for her hope,
And her heart is about to fly away from joy.’
When the night was over she would say: “No! It has been taken away!” and she would recite:
‘The darkness is gone with its intimacy and concord,
If only the night and its intimacy would come again.’ “
“Aboo Sa’eed Ibn Al-Arabee said, ‘As for Raabi’a Al-’Adwiyyah, a people have learned much wisdom from her. Sufyaan, Shu’ba and others have related things about her.’ “ [Siyar A’laam An-Nubulaa, 1/232]
Another reason for the youth’s problems is the reading of dangerous literature like treatises, newspapers, magazines and other material which cast doubt in the person concerning his religion and belief. These reading materials lead him to Hell and degenerate his virtuous manners.
This literature causes him to fall into Kufr and evil if he doesn’t have a strong defense of profound Islaamic education and acuteness, in order for him to be able to distinguish between the truth and falsehood or that which is beneficial from that which is harmful.
The reading of literature like this turns the teenager completely upside-down. This is due to the fact, which they come across fertile ground in the minds and thoughts of the youth without hindrance.
Accordingly, these dangerous ideas are deeply rooted and are reflected in the individuals’s mind and life.
[Taken from “Mushkilaat Ash-Shabaab”, Pp. 32-33, by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen]
“His statement “their women” refers to the Muslim women (1). The polytheist women, such as the disbelievers and their types are exempt from this. It is not permissible for a believing woman to uncover any part of her body in the presence of a disbelieving woman, unless she is her slave/servant.
Some scholars considered it detestable for a Muslim woman to host a Christian woman or have her ‘awrah looked at by her.
‘Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab once wrote a letter to Aboo ‘Ubaydah Ibn Al-Jarraah saying:
‘It has reached me that the Muslim women enter the public wash areas along with the disbelieving women. So prevent this and do not allow it, for indeed it is not permissible for a disbelieving woman to see a Muslim woman uncovered.’
So Aboo ‘Ubaydah stood up at that and called out saying:
‘Whichever woman enters the public bath areas without an excuse, not wanting except to purify her face, then may Allaah darken her face on the day when the faces will be whitened (purified).’ “
[Tafseer Al-Qurtubee, 12/233]
(1) This is based on the saying of Allaah: “…And (tell them) not to reveal their zeenah (adornment) except to their husbands, their fathers… their women…” [Soorah Noor: 30-31]
“Then do not be soft in speech, lest he in whose heart there is a disease (of fornication) should be moved with desire. But rather speak in an honorable manner. And stay in your houses and do not openly display yourselves like that of the days of ignorance.” [Ahzaab: 32-33]
Shaykh Bin Baaz comments:
“In this ayah, Allaah forbids the wives of the noble Prophet, the Mothers of the Believers – who are from amongst the best and purest of women – from speaking softly to men, which means making the voice sound gentle and pleasant…
Allaah further commands the women to stay in their homes and forbids them from indecently exposing themselves as the women would do in the days of ignorance (jaahiliyyah)…
This is because of what is found in that form great mischief, overwhelming temptation and an incitement of male hearts towards embarking on the means of fornication.
So if it is the case that Allaah warned the Mothers of the Believers from these evil things, in spite of their uprightness, strong faith and pure nature, then this means that all women besides them take more precedence in this matter.
They are more deserving of being warned and forbidden, and they have more right that we fear for them the causes of fitnah.”
[Taken from “Four Essays On The Obligation Of Veiling”. Chapter: “The Dangers Of Tabarruj (Immoral Exposure)”, by Shaykh Bin Baaz, Pp. 11-12]
The Prophet (saw) used to give a particular portion of his guidance towards the youth. The Prophet (saw) said to Ibn ‘Abbaas:
“O young boy, verily I am going to teach you some words (of advice): preserve Allaah and He will preserve you. Preserve Allaah and you will find him in front of you. If you ask for something, then ask Allaah. If you seek assistance then seek assistance of Allaah.” [Tirmidhee, Ahmad amongst others]
In another hadeeth, he (saw) said to Mu’aadh Ibn Jabal while he was riding behind him on his donkey:
“O Mu’aadh, do you know the rights of Allaah on the servant and the servant’s rights on Allaah?” [Bukhaaree & Muslim]
In another hadeeth the Prophet (saw) said to ‘Umar Ibn Salamah, and he used to teach him while he was a young boy. When ‘Umar laid his hand on the plate, the Prophet (saw) grabbed his hand and said:
“O lad, say the name of Allaah, eat with your right hand, and eat from that which is closer to you.“
… The religion places great emphasis concerning the upbringing of the youth because the boys will be the men of the future. They are the ones who will succeed their fathers, inherit from them and establish their role in life.
[Taken from “Min Mushkilaat Ash-Shabaab Wa Kayfa ‘Aaleejuha Islaam” by Shaykh Saalih Al-Fawzaan, Pp 16-17]
“It is upon the woman who fears Allaah and the hereafter to stay away from what many of the women are doing today such as being lackadaisical with the hijaab and easy-going with wearing decorative garments when going outside and being lax with using perfume when going out of the house and intermingling with men and joking with them.
Allaah, the Most High, said to His Prophet’s wives:
“Then do not be soft in speech, lest he in whose heart there is a disease (of fornication) should be moved with desire. But rather speak in an honorable manner.” [Ahzaab: 32]
If a woman has a need to speak to a man that is not one of her mahaarim, she may speak to him, but with a casual tone that has no softness or gentleness in it, and not in a joking or laughing manner.
Rather her speech must be ordinary and in accordance with what necessity dictates – i.e. a question and an answer – as per the need only.
She must not speak in a tone that appears friendly, laughing or teasing, or in a mellow or beautiful voice, thus stirring the desire of the one who has a disease in his heart. This is based on Allaah’s saying:
“But rather speak in an honorable manner.” [Ahzaab: 32]
So the Muslim women of today must fear Allaah with respect to themselves and their societies.”
[Taken from “Four Essays On The Obligation Of Veiling”. Chapter: “Advice To Muslim Women” by Shaykh Saalih Al-Fawzaan, p. 72]
The Prophet (saw) said: “It is not allowed for a woman to fast in the presence of her husband except with his permission except for Ramadhaan. And she may admit no one to his house except with his permission.” [Bukhaaree & others]
The Prophet (saw) said: ”Whenever a man calls his wife to their bed but he refuses to come, letting him spend the night angry with her, she is cursed by the angels until morning.“
In another narration: “… until she relents (i.e. goes to him).“ In yet another narration: “… until he forgives her.” [Bukhaaree, Muslim and others]
The Prophet (saw) said: ”By the One in whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord until she has fulfilled her obligations to her husband – even if he were to ask for herself when she is mounted in the saddle, she would not refuse his request.” [Ibn Maajah, Ahmad and others: Saheeh]