Brief Encounter On Facebook Leads To Love
Q) I have male friends on facebook, and for a number of months I have been talking to a male friend and we have fallen in love. We haven’t met in person but have contemplated it. I feel bad but I feel so attached to him. Am I sinning? What do I do?
A) Thank you for the question. You mentioned that you have some male friends on facebook, and that you formed a relationship with a male friend and that relationship has transformed to loving that person. You also mentioned that you have contemplated meeting that person and you feel bad and do not know what to do.
First and foremost, we should know that there are certain etiquettes all Muslims have to adhere to when engaging with the opposite sex on facebook, forums etc. Among the manners are: When talking or writing there must not be any flirtation. Exchanging photos of each other should be completely avoided unless it was for the reasons of marriage and with the consent of one’s parents or guardians. Talking in private chat rooms etc should be avoided.
Secondly, falling in love is natural. Allah said in regards to the relationship between the husband and wife that He, ‘ordained between you love and mercy’ (30:21). Therefore, falling in love is not a sin because in shari’ah ‘whatever feelings overcome one’s heart without his or her choice, then no sin is deemed to have been committed. Indeed, feelings of love and hate which overcome one’s emotions inadvertently are not considered sins, unless they drive that person to act upon those feelings in an unlawful manner.
Allah (jallah thana uh) said in the Holy Quran: “Allah does not overburden a soul with what it cannot bear” (2:286).
The Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) stated in the authentic Hadith: “Allah Almighty has forgiven for my Ummha what they have concealed in their hearts, unless they act accordingly or speak aloud”. (Bukhari, Muslim)
However, a man and woman must not indulge in any acts which would cause such emotions to overcome their hearts, as this may lead to sinful acts being committed’. (excerpts taken from an ECFR fatwa)
Thirdly, you mentioned that you have both fallen in love. You have to ask yourself, is it love or is it something else. Love comes with time and knowing and spending quality time with a person. One has to be extremely vigilant of the tricks of the Shaytan (Devil), he beautifies bad things and whispers in to the ears of human beings to lead them to disobey Allah.
Fourthly, you mentioned that you have contemplated meeting that person. I urge you not to do that as this will open the doors for the ShaytaAn and may lead you to disobey Allah. At this immediate instance, the best thing you can do is to halt any communication with this person and pray to Allah to give you strength.
Fifthly, you mentioned that you feel bad. If someone has committed a sin against Allah and regrets it, then this is a sign of iman. One must repent sincerely and remove themselves from that sin.
Finally, you mentioned that you do not know what to do. The best solution to your situation would be marriage. Try and get your parents involved and ask them to look into the person as a prospective husband for you. Let the two families get acquitted and get them to make an appointment for you to meet with supervision. If, after doing all that, you both feel the same, then the best thing to do is get married as the Prophet said, “We have seen no better solution for those in love other than marriage”. (Ibn Majah).
I’ll end with couple of anecdotes from al Mufakkir Fethullah Gulen. He wrote,
”Love is one of the most subtle blessings that the Most Merciful One has bestowed upon humanity. It exists in everyone as a seed. This seed germinates under favourable circumstances and, growing like a tree, blossoms into a flower, and finally ripens, like a fruit, to unite the beginning with the end ”.
He also wrote,
”Love is a natural and essential aspect of our being. But when it is transformed into ”true love” – love of the creator – it acquires its true nature and colour, and later becomes ”pure” pleasures at the threshold of union”.
When someone loves a person (spouse) for the sake of Allah, that love becomes pure and chaste, otherwise it remains just lust and satisfying of one’s desires, because without the love of Allah, all other forms of love is deficient, temporary, and has no inherent value.
I pray the aforementioned comments will be of benefit.